UNKNOWN: 0:00

Hmm.

SPEAKER_01: 0:02

To even question what you've been told is true is incredibly courageous. It doesn't always feel like courage what looks like courage to other people. For me, it feels like survival. This is our personal medicine.

SPEAKER_00: 0:15

If I'm surrounded by thinkers, by lovers, by passion, by integrity, then I really do think that I know who I am.

SPEAKER_02: 0:21

There is a peace that is indescribable when you're being who you are and you're living your purpose. I'm not going to come to the end of my life and be like, I didn't live the life I was meant to live.

SPEAKER_03: 0:30

Can I be so comfortable in the idea and so comfortable in that uncertainty that every version of it is going to be okay.

SPEAKER_04: 0:38

This is the Inner Rebel Podcast. It's been so long, so we talked about this. Welcome to Inner Rebel, Samantha Jo Harvey. We are so happy to have you here. And what about Sam before we dive in? She's a former professional dancer and fitness expert turned soul activator, intuitive business mentor, and high performance coach helping women unleash their power to create epic results and a life that feels fucking great. We are all about that. I love you guys already. She's obsessed with helping women own their truth, trust themselves, activate their inner wild woman, and have it all. The man, the money, the magic, and all the miracles in between. No more self-sacrificing, self-abandoning. Oh, we've got some shimmying going on over here for those who can't see. No more self-abandoning, burnout, overwhelm, or denying your desires. Your full-out life is waiting. Well, I'm all in for that. Jess gave you a woo, so I feel like she's on board.

SPEAKER_03: 1:56

I'm also a little feverish today, so. Oh, dear. If anyone's watching the video and I just start to sweat profusely as this goes, I apologize. Oh, my God. I'm fully here. I'm so present, so excited. I'm really happy to meet you. Thanks for joining us today, Sam. I'm

SPEAKER_05: 2:11

so pumped to be here. Thank you, guys. I can't wait to see where we go. I'm like, inner rebel. Yes, this is my jam. You are my people. So I can't wait. Thanks for having me. It's going to get weird. I just feel it already.

SPEAKER_03: 2:23

Well, that is actually our first question for you. What is your relationship with your inner

SPEAKER_05: 2:30

rebel? I remember this, but I remember really wanting to be able to wear clothes from Hot Topic, but I was like a triple zero because I was very young and my mom was like, we're shopping at the Limited 2. And the Limited 2, for anyone that doesn't know that, has like little t-shirts with patches of smiley faces and sunshine. And I was like, I just want to be in black and leather and like I am this artist. And I think I was probably in like sixth grade. Like I was young for that. So I think I always had this connection to my inner rebel. I always felt that. But I also felt the confines of needing to be the good girl, needing to get it right, being really concerned about judgment, wanting to do everything right for my mom and to, you know, show up as my best self, but not really knowing what that was. So I feel like it's been a really interesting journey. journey. Of identifying with her, connecting with her, but not giving her full permission as a young person. And my journey into adulthood and particularly in my 30s was this full permission granting of me being able to fully express myself in all the ways.

SPEAKER_03: 3:57

I feel like Melissa and I are both relating so deeply to what was just said.

SPEAKER_04: 4:02

Well, I was not a valedictorian, though, were you?

SPEAKER_03: 4:04

No, it was just the perfectionist, the mindset, the good girl. And it has been a journey for all of us to discover what it even meant to connect. to this inner rebel and express that in our lives.

SPEAKER_04: 4:16

This is funny. When you raised your hand for valedictorian, then I was like, shit, I wish I was valedictorian so I could fit into this room. I mean, I only got a 3.9 in college.

SPEAKER_03: 4:24

How dare you? I wasn't even a straight A student. I'm terrible at math, but I definitely was a perfectionist and a lot of my worth was coming from these external achievements and making sure that I was playing life out by these markers and these rules. So over the course of your life, this has been a moment clicked for you or was there a happening or an event in your life that invited you into relationship with your rebel?

SPEAKER_05: 4:50

Oh, that's really good and juicy. The first thing that comes up is my former marriage. So I was also dancing, which I think played into that perfectionist, that like constant picking apart of myself in the mirror, constantly striving for better, for more. And when I moved to New danced on Broadway was a Broadway choreographer and I was the professional dancer and on paper it just made sense like it was this perfect you know they're literally like Broadway shows about the director and the dancer and their relationships and I'd like we kind of lived that and we were really amazing at working together but we were not amazing in relationship together and we were married for a little bit of time and I felt myself getting smaller and dimmer and smaller and dimmer and And there came a turning point where I was like, this is not it. I know that I meant for more. I know that I meant to experience more. I meant to have more love. I meant to have more money. And that reckoning with myself of I know I meant for more, but I have everything on paper that's supposed to make me happy, that everyone outside of this is celebrating and really needing to decide, do I continue to self-abandon and continue this fake smiling on the outside when I'm dying and suffocating on the inside? the inside? Or do I choose and lean into my truth, which is there is actually more for me. And ultimately, after some years of personal development and therapy and all of that work, it really is the thing that brought me into this world. I made the choice to leave. And at the time, I mean, I still think to this day, divorce is not necessarily socially acceptable. It's not something that we celebrate. It's not something that we necessarily honor when someone decides that this is no longer a fit for them. But it was probably the biggest turning point for me in really honoring myself.

SPEAKER_03: 6:46

Hmm. I'm divorced too, by the way. And it was also a huge, huge catalyst in my life as well. So I really do honor that and honor that journey.

SPEAKER_05: 6:55

Congratulations. Thank you. Congratulations to you too. Thank you. I always ask people, you know, when people are like, I'm going through a breakup, I'm like, is this an I'm sorry or is this a congratulations? Because I don't know who am I to say from the outside. And so...

SPEAKER_04: 7:08

I want to honor you and say congrats, girl. Thank you. It's so interesting. Anyone that I've known that's gotten divorced has been such a celebration. And maybe that's because I live in a more liberal place and we're like, yeah, live your life, girl. It

SPEAKER_03: 7:21

did not feel like a celebration for me in the beginning at all. I mean, I went kicking and screaming. I really resisted it as long as I possibly could. I don't know what that was like for you. But something that you said, what sparked in me was you went through years of therapy and starting this personal development journey. It's not something we do overnight because it takes so much courage. It is so scary. And you have to take this leap of faith, hoping that on the other side is all the things that you hope and dream for and that they might come through. But there's also a chance in the back of our mind that they won't. It's a risk. And you're giving up the one secure, stable, societally approved thing that you have that you're supposed to At least for me, like so much of my self-identity was wrapped in that achievement. One thousand percent. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 8:07

It was wild. And I think that it was really choosing, like, do I continue with something that I know isn't healthy, that I know is not good, that I know is not good for me? And I think it really helped me lean into trusting myself and finding my voice and releasing, you know, I had this weird story when I was a kid. I was like, I don't want to turn out like my mom. My mom was divorced. I came from a divorced household and my sister and I had this pact of like, we're going to do it. And then I found myself repeating these patterns and I'm like, holy fuck, like. Oh, I want it to be right, too. I want to be like, no, I'm doing it differently. So there were so many layers. And I also feel like a lot of my clients actually are moved through a lot of relationship things with me. And I find that when women initiate a divorce, that it has been a very long time coming. We don't just make rash decisions. We really try in general to figure it out and to be in that role and to really be in that care. And I think that there's a level of chosen grief that we have to step into and we have to agree to in order to follow our truth and follow what we know is meant for us and really stepping into that chosen grief and what could have been and what we wished would have happened and where you saw your life. It is a really big undertaking. It takes a lot of strength, I think.

SPEAKER_03: 9:25

A lot of strength, a lot of courage. And I don't know if you'd call it faith. Or trust or just surrender. I'm not sure what that moment was for you. But do you remember the moment that you made that decision? What that felt like?

SPEAKER_05: 9:37

I remember a conversation where my best friend was like, what's it going to take for you to leave? And I was walking in New York City. I was outside of an equinox. I remember the conversation because it just hit me so deeply. And I couldn't at that point. I did not have it. I was not ready. And then when I actually did say like i can't do this anymore it was the straw that broke the camel's back like it was the smallest tiniest random thing that i never would have thought would have been the separation but i really attribute it you know back to that conversation with my friend where she was willing to be honest and say what's it going to take and i'm like how often do we get to ask ourselves that question what's it going to take to make a shift in our health or what's it going to take to make a shift in our business or our finances or how we relate to our partner or you any really big thing that's maybe not sitting well with us, what's it going to take? How bad does it have to get? It's

SPEAKER_03: 10:27

amazing how low the bottom has to go. You think you've hit rock bottom and then that's not actually it. Totally. You've hit it again and you keep sinking deeper, deeper and deeper and deeper. I think most of us are willing to experience an immense amount of pain before we actually want to make the change. And I'm not exactly sure what that is, the pain of what we know versus what we don't know, maybe.

SPEAKER_05: 10:48

Well, and also for me, it was like, who am I to have everything that I want? What do Mm-hmm. I think that's why I come back to this idea of granting myself permission, granting anyone that I come into contact with full permission to go do, have, create everything that you want because I didn't see that. That's the rebel. So how can we do anything different if we don't see it? We don't know it.

SPEAKER_04: 11:24

That's the rebel, guys. Jess is having a moment. It is the rebel. Well, I'm so curious now because there's change that we invoke from rock bottom and there's change... We invoke because we are creating it from pleasure, from desire. And so I'm curious, what does it take for you now? Because you're in a massive season of transformation. You just uprooted your life to rural Maryland from being a big city girl. You're pregnant. Oh, yeah. You have a husband now. I mean, you're like going through it all right now. And so what does it take now for you to choose your path consciously and proactively versus how it used to be for you?

SPEAKER_05: 12:00

That is juicy. That is really a great question. I think that just over the years I've practiced asking myself, what do I want? What do I desire? What would feel good? If I could have anything I wanted, what would my life look like? And I will say it was very different five years ago, seven years ago, that idea of what having it all looked like and meant completely different than right now where I'm like, I'm having a baby. I have a partnership. We're building businesses together. It's completely different than the younger version of me that's like, I want to travel and I want to fly first class and I want to like have all these worldly things. But I think that practicing is number one, giving myself permission to dream. Can I literally sit with my journal or my visualizations or my meditations or my body and be like, what do you actually want? What do you actually want? Not what does your mom want for you or what does society think that you want? But what do I actually want? What does my soul want? What will make me feel most alive? So practice. And then I think being in communities with other women that are dreamers, that are willing to go after the things that they want, that don't think it's crazy, that don't think I'm too much, that don't think my dreams are too much. And I think that supportive community is huge. And then I think also choosing a partner that is totally supportive. focused on the future and the vision and what is possible versus what's always been is key. I'm so glad you said my favorite

SPEAKER_04: 13:24

C word, community. I know my audience. No, just kidding. It's a thread, right? It's a thread in your life. I know we don't know each other like deeply, but I feel like that's a thread, right? Even if you just look at it from the surface of being in community as a Rockette, right? Being in community as in your coaching business, being in community. I know you were in Sarah Jenks Council and that's how we met. Yeah. And I mean, I'll say this till the day I die, that I think it's the number one thing that we need to really live our lives. And I'll use your word, full out, because it's the permission. It's the example. It's the holding you. It's the mirror. It's the asking you those questions that you're like, why did you have to ask me that? Like, what's it going to take? You know, why are you holding me like to my values? And so I would love to just Have you shared a little bit about like, what is your perception of the role of community in your life? It's

SPEAKER_05: 14:13

everything. I cannot stress it enough, especially, you know, it's been interesting because I think growing up, community was challenging for me because that perfectionist and overachiever in me, it also created a lot of challenge with me and my relationships with women. So getting the ballet solo at 12 years old ostracized me from my group of friends there. Getting into Rockettes was amazing, but it also really separated me from a lot of my college dance friends. And so having some unique experiences with women and growing up in many different ways where women were judging and comparing and projecting and me not knowing really how to handle that, also I'm a 3.5 in human design, so I feel like there's a lot of projection that happens. So there was a turning point where I was lone wolf. I was trying to do everything alone. And really, when I started doing network marketing, I was like, oh, well, this is kind of fun to work with people. Well, this is kind of fun to be celebrated by people. This is kind of cool. But then as I stepped more into the spiritual work and the energetic work and the mindset work, I just saw how different I felt when I was around people that believed in me or that had dreams of their own that weren't triggered by my big idea about doing whatever I wanted to do. And so these days I find that most of my community is online and I have girlfriends around the world and they are everything, whether it's a WhatsApp message, whether it is a group Instagram message, a group text, or a really specific I don't think I would be able to do anything that I'm doing without them. It's one thing to have your partner, but I also believe your partner can't be everything for you. I don't think it's fair. And so I owe it to him. I owe it to myself. I owe it to my dreams to be supported by other women.

SPEAKER_06: 15:54

And

SPEAKER_05: 15:56

as I step into motherhood, I am looking to create really beautiful visualizations and images for what's possible for me as I step into this. It's my first baby. I love working. And I also really want to be a present mom. And a lot of the stuff that I'm seeing online is just talking about how hard it is and how challenging this is. And while I really want to honor that experience as someone who's not there yet and who wants to create something beautiful for myself, it's really challenging to see that. And Melissa, I feel like you were someone who just like dropped in the most amazing thing. So I tried on this hat. I'm in this rural town. I'm at this crazy little shop and I see this sparkle hat and I'm like putting it on like, do I need this? Do I not need this? And I I put this funny story up on Instagram, like, should this be my birth hat? My dog walk hat? Do I need this? And you messaged and you were like, oh, definitely. You get to birth in that. Here's what I did at my birth and here's what's possible. And that meant so much because we're inundated with what's not working.

SPEAKER_06: 16:54

And

SPEAKER_05: 16:55

so just even having that message opened my eyes to more possibility. And I'm like, we as women need to see possibility. Yes, we need to honor when life lives. Yes, we need to honor the challenges. Yes. And I think those sacred spaces are really powerful for that. And what about showing what's possible?

SPEAKER_04: 17:13

Yeah. Well, I don't know if I've told you this, Jess, that I birthed a Snoop Dogg Pandora. Not the final push, but the 40 plus hours into this bitch. And I was like, I need to change the scenery, everybody. And the midwife had been doing this. She was a New Yorker and she had been delivering babies forever. She goes, this is a new one for me. This is a new one for me. But the thing that I think is just so fun, I mean, yeah, motherhood, crazy. Like it's the hardest and coolest thing in the whole world. But I think just like everything to tie this back into community, being around people who show you what's possible, give you glimmers into the kind of life that you would want. So glimmers into the kind of motherhood that you want. Like I needed people that were like raveling all the time with their kids. And I'm like, Cool. I don't have to stop that. I can just like lug this baby all over the world, which we've done. And he thankfully is just an easy, awesome kid. So we got lucky in that respect. But I was like, I need examples of people living life in the way in which I want to live it. Obviously, you're going to do it with your own flavor and flair, but it's like, yeah, fuck yeah. Wear that weird hat when you birth your baby.

SPEAKER_03: 18:17

But I like to add like a dimension about community because I think

SPEAKER_04: 18:21

the

SPEAKER_03: 18:21

community is aspect that we're speaking to, there's like an intimacy to it, right? There's one thing to hear or to witness on social media that people are living the lives that you want to live, but it's very curated and we don't know what's going on behind the scenes. It's very presentational. And so we can be inspired, but it doesn't actually feel realistic. And when you're actually in community with people who are bearing their souls and sharing the good and the bad and the ugly and all the different parts of how they made that possible, then we see it, but it also feels believable. It also feels achievable. And we also understand that it's also part of real life and it comes with mess and hardship and difficulty. But then you share and overcome that together and hold each other through that together. It's

SPEAKER_05: 19:00

like an authenticity and vulnerability that happens in those containers where that's nurtured versus the social media like, hey, go do this thing. Yeah, that feels unattainable. It's like you could do that. But like, can I actually do that? Or it's used as a sales tactic. And that feels like really icky for me versus that genuine connection, that genuine. I see you. I got you. I may not have been through that or I have been through that. I'm here for you

SPEAKER_03: 19:24

because I'm so much more inspired Thank you so much. What is the heart along with the really beautiful things that you're choosing that you're in the middle of processing in this new chapter of motherhood?

SPEAKER_05: 20:04

Right now, it has been really interesting to watch my body shift, but not from like a, this is what my body looked like before and here's where I am. It's more of a, I love taking ballet class. And it's what brings me to my soul, my connection to source. And I don't have access to that here. And I have tried a million different ways and things. And that's like a whole side story. But the short of the long is I have not found a place that feels conducive to what I know brings me alive. And so in the midst of this transition and change, something that's always been an anchor for me looks really different. From the outside, it's not having the studio. It's what's happening in my body, which I'm actually finding fascinating. But it's not having access to the things that I am used to living in a bigger city from the gym, from the dance studio, from local community, like actual women that have similar views that I do or have lived a little bit. So you just moved? I moved about seven weeks ago. Yeah, I'm like just landing here. So I think that there's some of that that I'm navigating now. And really, I'm just letting go of everything that I thought was going to happen. I mean, everything has literally flipped upside down and around. In this moment, I'm not fully in like the grief. I'm actually in like a lot of the excitement and the like, wow, this is fascinating and holy crap. But I just started feeling I'm seven and a half months pregnant right now. Like I'm not going to have this belly much longer. And I can feel there's like layers of grief that will come afterwards of like missing this experience with this little soul and baby that I'm growing. It's really it's just an interesting time. It feels very in flux, very in this liminal space and very unknown. I've always been someone that's been like, this is my one year plan, my five year plan, my this plan. And I'm like, there are no plans like we're here, which is actually quite a blessing. It's a little scary, but it's quite a blessing.

SPEAKER_04: 22:00

How are you getting supported around that? And I'm curious because you'd purposely join a highly intensive spiritual community not too long ago. Yeah. How is that? I mean, so much of trust and living in the unknown, I believe, ties back to our spirituality. And I'm curious, what are

SPEAKER_05: 22:19

you leaning on to be okay in this great unknown? At this point, I have practiced, quote unquote, so much. I have done the tools so much that it's almost like there's this message of like, Sam, you don't actually need anything external. You really just need to resource and insource it from you, from the earth, from source. And can that be enough? So if I'm on a dog walk, I'm like talking to the trees. I'm like, son, give me the light codes, like trees, give me the support. Let me feel my feet on the earth. And That being said, I'm also in a mastermind with a really incredible, magical woman. I'm like, she's not a coach. She's so much more than that. So just having that support is also really powerful. But it's next level. And I think I'm also last thing I'll say is I'm also really focused on the birth and that spiritual journey and what that will be like for my spirit to walk into that bridge to bring this soul down into my body and through my body. And being in the awe of that is kind of like my guiding light right now. I

SPEAKER_03: 23:41

love that you brought up this moment of the unknown and uncertainty and you're also a mindset coach who works with people on bringing their visions to life and dreaming big and achieving their goals and I'm so curious about that dance because it's a dance that I am experiencing in my own life between the vision and the dream and how tightly we hold on to that vision and how much life has another plan for us I'm kind of dancing between those two realms. My life also just flipped on its head and I'm like, but this wasn't what I thought it was going to be. It's so wonderful. There's so much more magic than I ever knew was possible. And also the grieving of letting go of the idea of what it should be. So I'm just curious on your take and sort of navigating between those two life principles. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05: 24:28

I think the biggest thing that's real for me right now is that it's less about what it looks like and it's more about creating from a space of what it feels

SPEAKER_06: 24:37

like.

SPEAKER_05: 24:38

So while my clients might have goals for their business or goals for their relationship or their health or whatever that is, that's great. However, it's what is the feeling that we're going to experience? Are we focused on the freedom, the fulfillment, the peace, the ease, the calm nervous system? What is it that we actually desire underneath the goal? It's not about the money. I mean, sure, the money is great, but what is the money actually providing for you? And I think that being able to be excited and committed to the vision, but then releasing and being told Totally unattached to what it actually looks like is part of that ability to dance between the two. It's not being so set on the goal that if this doesn't happen, I'm a failure or I'm not doing it right or it's not working, but it's saying like, is this actually fulfilling

SPEAKER_03: 25:22

me? It's not actually being like identified with the goal. It's not attached to your worth. It's trying to figure out how to articulate this, but it's like. The vision, because our minds work in a story and in pictures and stuff, is it just sort of like a representation of the feeling, but then how it actually plays out in life?

SPEAKER_05: 25:39

Versus like living and experiencing from our bodies, the sensations, emotions and all of that. And so when we are looking at that vision... Mm-hmm. I think that dance between soul and ego or like mind and body, masculine, feminine, this dichotomy is a dance. And so some seasons I might be a little bit more goal oriented and action focused and in that masculine. And other seasons, it's a time for rest or contraction or being in that liminal space and being okay with things changing. I think, again, permission granted, you're allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to want different things. And when we give ourselves permission to really be in that flow and to be in the dance, it releases the control, it releases the rigidity, and it allows so much more space for that breath, for the possibility, for that magic.

SPEAKER_04: 27:00

What's interesting, because I'm 100% on the same page with you, teach similar things, I've practiced them all, and then there's reality. And I'm finding, not to say you can't have this in reality, that's not what I'm saying, is that What I'm finding is having, we'll call it a BFV, a big fucking vision. Holy shit. The level to which this needs to be practiced and reoriented and realigned again and again and again and again and again. It's been a really... Wild experience because there's so much. And I think about this often of like people like, oh, my God, look at what you look at it. And I'm like, well, yeah, it looks cool. But there have been seasons of the creation that have felt so fucking terrible. Yeah. I felt so void of joy, have felt so harmful to my body, have felt so horrible. Lacking of ease and the soul journey that you're on in creating vision really invites such deeper levels of awareness around like what does it take when my capacity is really expanding to be able to feel these things? Because for me, it was easier when I was trying to hold less. The more I try to hold, the more I'm like,

SPEAKER_05: 28:16

oh my God, can I actually practice what I preach? But you're the perfect person for that. Your life has led you to this point to be able to walk through these fires, to be able to navigate when it feels like you're dropping all the balls and dropping all the plates. Aren't you the perfect person for that? I think that's part of like what we teach. I think what makes it so beautiful is the challenge. It is the days that you're fucking banging your head against the wall being like, why the fuck did I choose this? I didn't actively choose this. My brain didn't actively choose it. Your soul chose it for you. And that warring piece is wild.

SPEAKER_04: 29:17

I know this can happen outside of work, but in the context of soul babies being birthed through us, which I know we all have on this call, it just takes something so different. It's one thing to achieve as the rocket to achieve. Like I was a collegiate softball pitcher. It's one thing to achieve in your grades. It's another thing to achieve in a soul aligned way when a soul baby is being birthed through you. It's like a whole, it's because it's not the masculine. It's the feminine side of the business or the energetics of it that are being called forward and are asking for mastery it's like we've mastered the masculine we can show up we can power through we can do practice we can stay up late and study but like it's the how does it feel is the important question and that integrating those feminine principles like you mentioned of ease and peace and fulfillment and freedom that's not innate I mean it's innate to us but it's not something we've been practicing for lifetimes I

SPEAKER_05: 30:12

think it takes so much vulnerability to allow your soul's calling or that soul baby Whether it's the business or the baby or the thing to actually come through and take action on it. Like the amount of vulnerability, the amount of courage, the amount of I pretty much know I'm going to fall down on my face in this journey because I've never done this before. I'm being guided by a force that is beyond me. It takes so much more than. following a recipe for like work this many hours and achieve this on paper. It's a completely different achievement. It's that soul. It's it's like the soul itinerary almost like, hey, what did I sign up for? Great. Let's write this contract and forget about it. And then, fuck, I've got to follow through with this. I believe that my ex-husband and I, that was a soul contract. We chose that. And that was my giant catalyst for growth. And if I had to choose again, what I like, I don't know, my ego's like, hell no, we're not doing that again. But my soul's like, yeah, no, girl, like you would because it got you to this point. And I think that Being in the middle of that journey when you're in the rocky space, it's fucking tough versus being on the other side of it where you can look back and see how far you come.

SPEAKER_04: 31:22

What's your soul creating these days? I mean, has that been evolving since you've been pregnant and moving? Is what you're feeling called to bring forward

SPEAKER_05: 31:29

different? Okay, I'm going to tell you a quick story. So when I did the council, which is the community that we met at, we started with a weekend of ceremony. And I went in being like, where am I going with my business? what am I doing? What am I meant to do? Because I had always been multifaceted. I had network marketing. I was in health and wellness. I was a trainer, professional dancer. I was doing all the mindset stuff. I was doing a lot of divine feminine sensuality body stuff. And I'm like, who the fuck am I? What am I doing? Where is my business going? I just felt lost. And in these ceremonies, the only information that came through in very clear downloads was have the baby. And I'm like, Have the fucking baby. What are you like? What? Like, I am not ready. Like, just no. Have the baby. I imagine it like a deep booming. Not from Sarah, who was leading. It was not from me. It was clearly downloaded from a higher power. And I had that choice. Do I step in and surrender to this? Or do I keep muscling my way through, banging my head against a wall and not really getting the results that I wanted to? Like, I felt like it plateaued. I was getting stuck. And it made no sense. It made no sense on paper, no sense financially, no sense in any way, shape or form. And It led me to kind of a reckoning of like, this doesn't feel like the right time, the right finances, the right setup. We're in California. Like all of these things said, no, don't do this. And I also couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop feeling the truth in the knowing. And so. That in and of itself has been a massive journey over the last year. I mean, it hasn't even been a year since that. I got an explant. I had breast implants. I took them out and got them removed because that was also information that came through. We moved across the country. I shifted things in my business. So many things happened from that weekend. And I really feel like. These are the stepping stones for whatever is next for me on this path. And as much as my ego wants to know this is where it's going, I've seen little glimmers of like, ooh, this could go in this direction or this could be a possibility. But I know that I'm still very much in it. So I can't say one way or the other. But new things have resurfaced. Certain things have fallen away. And so I'm just really in this unfolding of I know I'm meant to support women. I know that I'm meant to have really big impact in some way. shape or form. And I'm fully surrendering because I also know I'm meant to be a really present mom. And I have found that I haven't seen a lot of spaces that I know of yet. I'm sure they're out there that really can hold from the energetic and spiritual space as well as the entrepreneur space. And that is curious to me. We'll see what happens as I navigate that next chapter. But yeah, there's little things sprinkling in that I'm really curious about. I

SPEAKER_03: 34:45

love this so much. Mm-hmm. but sort of what you were saying earlier about kind of letting go of the control or the path to that vision. We have no idea what kind of detours that we need along the way that are actually not detours, but taking us there on a path that we can't conceive in our mind connects, but it does somehow and will one day when we can see the big picture and look back on it maybe, or maybe not, who knows, maybe it's taking us somewhere better. But I really love when you allow life to unfold in And to trust the moment that you're in, that it doesn't mean losing the dream or losing track of the dream. It's actually surrendering that there might be an aspect of learning or experience along the way to that dream that you need to have right now and be present for that. And I think that's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_05: 35:43

Yeah. Even being in this small town where I'm like, why the fuck are we here? Like truly the first couple of weeks, I was like this. It wasn't a mistake because I knew always that I needed to be close to my mom for this chapter, but I'm like, this particular area, what the fuck? This part might have been the mistake. And something happened recently where my partner and I went to a certain business that sparked some really interesting ideas in us. And I have never, ever considered a brick and mortar or anything in that way. And going to this one space sparked something huge in both of us where we're like, could this be the thing? Like, could this actually be that five year, seven year thing? Yeah, I'm super pumped about it. We're keeping it close to our chest right now. But I was like, tell me every detail. I'll tell you offline. But it was one of those things where I was like, oh, is soul baby? Like, did he decide this was the space that we needed to be to get this inspiration to set this in motion? I don't know. It could turn into something or be nothing. But Again, it's like trusting and following the signs and being open, open to that. If I was still in my like handcuffed, rigid control, this is what I'm trying to do or forcing myself to do. I wouldn't have been open to that magic or that miracle. You know, we wouldn't be in Maryland if we didn't listen to this guidance. I don't know if I'd be pregnant if we didn't listen to the guidance. So it's changing everything.

SPEAKER_04: 37:07

I love that it doesn't have to make sense or it doesn't even make sense, but I can't ignore the truth in the knowing. And that is so critical for us as human beings, but definitely as women. And I always say I've never met a confused woman because it's true. We're not confused ever. But we just like the truth in the knowing. We're taught to override it. We're taught to ignore it. We're taught to power through it. And some of my favorite decisions... Most of my favorite decisions in my life was like, that doesn't make sense, but I can't ignore the truth of the knowing. It's like those two things are often present. And then it's like, well, let's just go. And then the magic unfolds. And I think if we can publicly model those two things, the freedom that grants so many people who are like, I don't know, it doesn't make sense, but I know. Yes. Because women always fucking know every time. They're like, I don't know. I don't know. I'm confused. I don't know. And I'm like, Okay, let's pretend that's not true. And then they're like, it's like the granular detail down to the color of the wallpaper and the name Betty, who is my assistant, you know, it's so granular. And so I just love that. Like, let's just take the leap and trust.

SPEAKER_03: 38:19

I'm curious, Mindset Coach. I'm curious then because so much of the conversation has not been about the mind. It's been about our intuition. It's been about the body. When you speak about mindset, is it getting the mind on board with the body? I think it's

SPEAKER_05: 38:42

knowing how to work with your mind. It's being in that dance with the brain and noticing, am I choosing out of fear or am I choosing out of trust? What part of me needs to get on board in order for me to take that leap? What part of me is activated and scared right now? What part of me wants to create safety? And so I think if we can create this awareness of where are these thoughts coming from, then I can give myself what I need. I think that when we get in the spiral of like, shit's not happening and ah, ah, ah. It's like, can I have enough emotional intelligence to pause that spiral and just pause everything that's happening in the brain, the run-on sentences, the I fucked this shit up or someone's going to judge me or what's happening with all of that inner talk? Can we learn how to navigate the inner talk in order to stay in alignment with where we're going and what we're doing?

SPEAKER_06: 39:36

I'll

SPEAKER_05: 39:37

give you a quick example. In the first week that we got here, It was just a lot. I had my mom and her husband and their two dogs and our two dogs. And I'm pregnant and I love my mom. But we have this like crazy paint that's like from the 90s, like Boca Raton, Florida threw up on the walls. And it's not my energy. It's not my vibe. So I'm having this spiral. I'm suffocating here. I can't breathe. Nothing feels like mine. I'm used to like spaciousness and San Diego and like whatever. And so I'm spiraling. And I had to catch myself. Here we go again, talking about this is why I teach the things. And I just needed to pause in that moment and go, what is the next best thought I can think? What is going to be the most powerful thought that I can think right now? What's going to be the most powerful thing that I can say to start shifting my brain from this spiral? And stepping back into possibility. And at the time, it was just like, we're going to figure this out. We've got this. Like, how good can it get? And so it started just like asking new questions was one way for me to stop my mind and shift into possibility and feeling better. I

SPEAKER_03: 40:41

love that so much. That's so helpful and so practical. We all need to be able to interrupt that spiral. I just did it the other day, too, where I was going down this loop and I was like, wait a second, pause. There's so many possibilities I can't even conceive of that should be on the table right now. Like, why is my brain just spinning in this one terrible option? Why am I not opening up to the fact that there's probably answers I can't even conceive of? And can I start dancing in the creativity of that? rather than looping in the negativity and the fear. But it really took like a, whoa, just catching my brain spinning out. And even a mindset coach, even someone who's very practiced in this, all of us really need to have that sort of moment of awareness where we interrupt the pattern in our brains. Totally. Constantly. Constantly. And

SPEAKER_04: 41:30

I think it's one of the best things we can do is call bullshit on ourselves, you know, and visualizing black and white versus a rainbow. My husband and I have these conversations all the time where I'm like, well, what if it's not only two choices? Like, what are the other things that might be true that we just can't see through the lens that we're stuck in at this very moment? I

SPEAKER_05: 41:48

love the question, if I was, and then insert whatever I'm striving for, what would I think or what would I do? So it's like, if I believed in myself, what action would I take? If I loved myself, how would I speak to myself? If I felt safe and solid here, what would I be doing differently? Creating a new inquiry of like, if I was adopting this thing that I deeply desire, how would that impact how I'm showing up or feeling or thinking or talking to myself? And I feel like, again, it's like, let's ask a different question. If I don't like the answer that I'm getting, what other possibilities are there?

SPEAKER_04: 42:26

Sounds like a true saleswoman. I

SPEAKER_05: 42:28

like that answer. Let's ask a different way. Oh my God, I never thought about that. That's amazing. Isn't that sales, right? It's

SPEAKER_04: 42:33

like,

SPEAKER_05: 42:34

oh, you told me no. I don't think so. That is hilarious. I used to teach self-love like that kind of where I started. I was in fitness and then it really morphed into like self-love. And when you ask someone to love themselves, we don't know how we haven't been taught. What does that even fucking mean? And so then it was like, OK, if I love myself, how would I nourish myself today? And sometimes that means having a salad and protein. And sometimes that means having a fucking ice cream sundae. And there's no right answer. It gets us out of the like Right or wrong, good or bad, black or white. And also it invites in just more possibility. How would I show up if I love myself?

SPEAKER_04: 43:10

That reminds me of a very specific question and a moment that I had when my son was three, two to three. And it was, if I loved myself as much as I loved this boy, how would I start showing up in my life? And it was like, like I smacked myself with a two by four. Of like, if I really was showing up in love with me in that way, what would be different? And it was like my whole life ended up changing because of that question. That's huge. Yeah. Because we know how to give love to others, right? It's an easy marker to be like, oh, if I love myself as much as I love my dog, like, what would I do? You know, because we're so innately able to give that to external things, but to like flip that back on ourselves is,

SPEAKER_03: 43:54

yeah, we're not taught that. Can I ask one more question to wrap us out? Yeah. Oh, that's

SPEAKER_05: 44:05

so funny. What's the biggest thing I learned about life? Wow. You know, back then when I first started, it was all brand new. And it was like, holy shit, there's this and I'm getting blisters and my feet are swollen and I'm doing these shows and I need to fit my weight range and I need to blah, blah, blah. And it was like really perpetuating the perfection. And then as I was in like years three to five, it became like work. It was like, oh, I got to go to the theater today. Oh. We did 16 shows this week and I haven't had a day off in three weeks and I'm exhausted and I'm da-da-da-da-da. And then when I was getting divorced, I actually took two years off right before I got divorced to like do the dance thing in LA. And I was like, what else can I do? And let me just see. And then I initiated my divorce and then I was like, I need to go back to Rockettes. It is something I know. It is something I am really great at. It is a place that feels like home. It feels like support. And that year I went back Mm-hmm. open-hearted. I am so grateful to be here. Every single person that I got to see, every single show that I got to do, it would give me chills to realize just how incredible it was. And so if I look back at that journey, I think of how many things we take for granted or we see as like something we have to do. Like mindset world, we talk about what you have to do versus what you get to do versus what you're blessed to do. It's just a little languaging shift there of like, I get I get to go to the dentist. I get to do my taxes. I'm blessed to do my taxes. How amazing. How can I make this feel good? But in looking back at that 10 year journey, it really shifted my understanding of just how lucky we are

SPEAKER_06: 45:50

and

SPEAKER_05: 45:50

just how lucky I am to be able to experience something so special. And I think that when we get on the rat race and when the autopilot and we're just going, going, going, going, we lose sight of that. But being able to have something so huge in my life rock me. And be able to really feel what that was for me. Like, of course, it's like cool on the outside and events and things. I'm like very achievement based. But on the inside, it was such a blessing and so supportive for me.

SPEAKER_03: 46:17

Love it. Thank you. This was such a beautiful conversation. So grateful. You're so generous with your wisdom and your beautiful energy. It was so nice to learn about you. So thank you for being with us today.

SPEAKER_05: 46:29

This was so fun. You guys are amazing. And it really is a privilege and an honor to be able to share my story. And my intention is always, who do I get to impact? Who do I get to give permission to? Who do I get to inspire to take action, to trust themselves, to take the big risk, to take the messy action? And so being able to talk with you guys and to be able to share with your listeners is such a gift to me. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This was so fun. I'm so soul nourished right now. Thanks for having me. Well, love you so

SPEAKER_04: 46:59

much. Thanks, love. Thank you for being here. Thank you.